Mother To Son
by heartlessromantic667
Summary: Inspired by a poem by Langston Hughes, this one-shot is what may have ran through Edna's mind the night that she left Hyde in "Hyde Moves In." Bittersweet.


**_Author's Note: _**_Hello all! So while I was typing the next chapter for How It Came To Be I got this idea after reading a Langston Hughes poem called Mother to Son. So I quickly wrote this in hopes that it would be a bittersweet one-shot to show maybe how Edna felt right before the episode of "Hyde Moves In." However, you may have heard that I'm going to be doing a sequel to HICTB in Edna's POV so this is not to be confused with that. _

_Hope you enjoy!_

_Love,_

_Angie_

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_Well, son, I'll tell you:  
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.  
It's had tacks in it,  
And splinters,  
And boards torn up,  
And places with no carpet on the floor.  
Bare._

Edna Hyde stared with dull blue eyes at her son who lay in a curled ball on his bed. As she stood in his darkened doorway the hint of marijuana filled her nose and she sighed heavily. She hadn't wanted this for him, and she knew it was her fault for bringing him down so close to her level. But it was up to her to keep him from falling along with her.

She could see him as a young boy. The memories of his tarnished childhood passed before her glassy eyes. Her breath was strangled in her throat as she relived the moments that they had together; the good- how few and far between, and the bad- too many to count.

Edna could recall his first steps. He had been a persistent baby and wouldn't give up trying to walk because he wanted to be like his mom and pop. His small, chubby legs wobbled as he leaned against her parent's oak coffee table and like walking on the moon, he took a tiny step ahead of him. She had cried with so much pride and joy that her son had began to walk and she couldn't forget his glittering blue eyes that matched her own. He knew he had made her proud.

_But all the time  
I'se been a-climbin' on,  
And reachin' landin's,  
And turnin' corners,  
And sometimes goin' in the dark  
Where there ain't been no light._

Her hand rested against her chest and her eyes began to sting once more; just as they had sixteen years ago. As she gazed at her boy, now nearly an adult sleeping as he had all those years ago in his tiny bassinet. She couldn't remember where the time had gone. One day he was wobbling throughout the house giggling hysterically as Bud chased him with a mirthful smile. The next her son was full of nothing but resentment towards her and couldn't stand to be anywhere near her- but she couldn't blame him.

But Edna remembered a time, a long time ago when he wouldn't abandon her side. He would wrap his arms and legs around her calf and hold on for dear life as she walked through the house. Steven had found so much joy and happiness in that. She had been his hero- and look where that lead him.

After he began to walk he felt he owed his parents something- he felt they weren't proud of him. But my Lord, she was more than proud of him; even today. He had joined the peewee baseball team because that was Bud's ambition. He had taken up playing guitar because it was something she always wanted to do. Everyday that boy worked harder and harder just to see his parents smile at the end of the day. But as time went on, there were no smiles.

That's when things started going downhill. Bud had drained Steven and Edna of their happiness and made them lose faith and trust in the world and in everyone around them. It hadn't been that bad when it first started- first he started hitting her when drunk. Yet soon he was beating her daily for no reason at all; he couldn't take the mess ups he had made in his life. But then when she fell down and couldn't take the hits anymore he had made his way into Steven's room. She remembered how hoarse her voice was the first night, screaming for her son.

_"Don't hurt my Stevie!"_ Edna could still feel the words in the back of her throat. And she could still hear her son's screams that rang through her ears like a gunshot in a tiny room.

But then she didn't care. As time went on the abuse was their constant- she felt she had done everything wrong while Steven felt he deserved it because he hadn't caught the fly ball that would have helped them win the baseball tournament. And then Bud left. Leaving them alone; a shattered family who couldn't pick up the pieces.

The night that Bud slammed the door behind him for the final time was the worst night for her. Not because of her husband's absence... but because of what it had done to her son. While she drank in the living room to drown her sorrows, she could hear the faint whimpers and sobs from Steven's room even though he had always been told by Bud that crying was for "babies, for whimps, for faggots, for pussies." She set down her beer and tip toed to the doorway and stared with stinging eyes at her son.

Edna had started using again- worse than when she was a teenager. It was her life, it was her constant; her way to feel that abuse. Every hit and shot made her feel so much better. And it left her relationship with her son in shambles. Her absences grew longer and more frequent and she knew that for her young boy it was too much for him. But she just couldn't stop. That's when he began to build that shell that she hated. She had caused her baby boy to become a cold young man who wouldn't (or couldn't) trust. She had done that to him.

Which is where she found herself now. Edna's eyes glittered with the pain she was finally able to release. Her lower lip trembled as the crystal tears slowly cascaded down her cheeks. Her throat felt tight as she gazed with such love and pride at her sleeping son. He deserved happiness- and she couldn't give it to him. All she did was drag him down into this constant spiral of drugs and abuse and neither of them could take it anymore.

"This is the best for us, baby." Edna whispered with a quivering voice. "I'm gonna make it all right." For him. She would make it all right for him; and that's all that mattered to her. She only wanted her son happy- forget about her happiness! She had been selfish for the past eight years and now it was finally her chance to right her wrongs; to do as he asked of her since he was thirteen.

"_Watch your mouth, boy!"_

"_Fuck you, ma!" _

"_I said watch your fuckin' mouth!" She could feel his anger radiate from his heart and onto her skin. But unlike Bud he would never hurt her. _

"_Dammit, mom why don't you just leave? I can't stand you. I hate you, I fucking hate you, you bitch!" _

Tears welled in her eyes once more as his furious voice echoed through her mind. This is what he wanted and so she would give it to him. The one thing he had ever asked of her.

Edna could feel her heart break as she held the door handle and gaze one last time at her only son. Her son... who she loved more than anything and everyone. Her son- who she had hurt too much.

"I love you, Steven," she whimpered, tear drops falling from her cheeks to the floor, landing silently in the stained carpet. As she began to close the door, she realized that this was truly happening. She was leaving her son in hopes that he would find a way to make his life better.

Right as the door was about to shut, she heard a sound from in his room that made her stop. As she listened closer, she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. She peered in through a crack in the door and watched as her son sat up and stared towards her direction. Then she heard it again- a light sniffle.

She had to do this for him. She had to let him go... she only wanted the best for him. Edna closed her eyes and silently shut his bedroom door and tip toed towards the front door. She was leaving, just like Bud. She was leaving and she was never coming back.

_So, boy, don't you turn back.  
Don't you set down on the steps.  
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.  
Don't you fall now  
For I'se still goin', honey,  
I'se still climbin',  
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair. _


End file.
